Dead Tired

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Finally, the end of the longest day of my life was over. The tears of the past months now free to flow yet strangely absent. This old house quieter than ever, the door closing behind me and the true sense of emptiness was now being felt as I never thought possible.

Leading up to my wife’s death, friends, family and of course my daughter were always close by and the grief shared by all. Now the house is dark as I stand in the hallway not wanting to turn on the light for fear of seeing the reality of finally being alone.

The hall was brighter just this morning as the sun rose and my daughter and I went off to the funeral parlor for Liz, my wife’s final service before our trip to the cemetery. The morning was crisp and clear, a distant smell of lilac hung in the air as the cars lined up for the procession.

The route chosen was considerably longer than necessary but a twisty country road in full spring bloom is a sight to be enjoyed, even if it to be the last. The funeral itself was as beautiful as anyone could expect, the morning mist lingered in the new day and the birds serenaded in the background as hundreds of mourners passed to show love, friendship and respect for a truly remarkable person. A woman whom I loved deeply for many, many years but now feeling I never fully acknowledged as a person or professional and was regretting having not expressed it more when she was alive. I hoped she knew of my love and respect for her as a mother and friend, as a physician, scientist and teacher and of course as a very lucky man’s wife.

The next few days a similar sad and hazy blur, I just roamed from one room to the next recalling all the little things that happened in each one over the thirty years living here. Each had a story, a laugh or tear, all where ours, our colors, our furniture, our books and our clutter. Each and every piece a memory and all memories of an instant in time to never be repeated. A life time that was a life’s time in the making and yet gone in an instant.

Life goes on I’m told and I would like to believe that. I’m sure for many it does. For some however it’s just not meant to be. I realized this when the crumpled remains of my car was dumped in my driveway minutes ago. And I never got to say goodbye.

The End

sck061817 / dft

Second Hand Slap

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All first’s happen one time.
Seconds echo a chosen chime.
Good or bad, meant or meant not to be,
tick we must pain’s always free.

Mistakes made and signal’s crossed.
Paths fork and feelings tossed.
Years pass and pressure mounts.
Seconds loom and the hand counts.

Clocked anew, wound with care.
Wrapping remains, none’s to share.
Tower’s built and time slips away.
A distant hand wins the day.

Habitual motions come around.
The passersby haunt and hound.
Dictated emotions can’t run away.
Spindled and bound forever and a day.

Controlled by movement, most unseen.
Shattered glass cuts unclean.
Time’s told to all who listens.
Killing seconds the first hand glistens.

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sck061617

 Striking Similarities

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Cycling around dimensions, three.
Horizons bend to curve all we see.
Energy’s absorbed when given free.

Settled comforts to some fond.
Or near to crest on rippling pond.
Projecting forward, life’s beyond.

OR’s’ of age when all is time,
passion drives a life sublime,
treading secure or await the chime.

Choose chosen when choices few.
Three’s what’s given, the rest up to you.

~*~
sck060917

Urban Renewal

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A northern shade a northern mill
Prospering times growing still
Bell towers boarded, time to kill
Cracks abound, pigeon’s shrill

Divisions divide buds as before
Docks and bays and wavy floor
Doors or windows less not more
Sky’s above all’s for sure

Light shines down space to fill
Earth’s breaking at its will
Rain quenches drenching poor
Life returns to green and cure

~*~
sck060817

Unbuilding

An open mind, an open door
Footsteps patter on the floor
Yet when I sit there is no more
Do more await? I unsure

To stand and be risen unknowns arise
Ceilings reachable below endless skies
Truth’s unheard written of lies
Right and wrong said before our eyes

Walls surround; Air, earth and skin
Fences seen higher trapped within
Fall and fail or leap and win?
Gates close when new sides begin

~*~
sck060417